I sort of know what you are going through, I was in a motorcycle accident a little over a month ago that ended up fracturing my right shoulder blade in multiple places and giving me a small bit of road rash even though I was wearing full gear (leather jacket, leather gloves, textile overpants, jeans underneath, moto boots, full face helmet).
I always wondered how I would react if I was ever in a ‘serious’ accident, and if I would stop riding motorcycles. I liked to think that I was very aware of the consequences of what could happen and didn’t have any false illusions of safety or invincibility. I’m happy to say that the accident has enlightened me quite a bit.
1. Gear is more priceless than gold. Had I not been wearing gear there is a chance I might not even be able to use my right arm right now. Luckily I had leather AND armor to protect me as much as possible, but even that wasn’t enough to stop all the damage.
2. Dying isn’t so bad, its the recovery that is the worst. Where I am spiritually is a really great place but I won’t get into that. I always thought death is the worst thing that could happen on a motorcycle, but now I think that living with a lifelong injury is. What if I had hit a guardrail and it had severed both my legs? Or if my helmet hadn’t protected me and I dropped my IQ by 50 points? That is just my opinion and thoughts.
I find that when I ride now (and I just started riding again last week) I am a little nervous, and I put my gear on with even more thoughtfulness. I am more cautious when it comes to riding, but when you ride a motorcycle you still have to be more aggressive than cars. You can’t just sit around in the slow lane, but I am of the mindset that you should ALWAYS be going 50-10mph faster than the flow of traffic so most danger is behind you.
The fear hasn’t stopped me from riding, and it doesn’t look like its stopping you. It might eventually if the benefits of riding outweigh the risks (like if I had kids and a family to support) then I might cut back, but even then i’m not sure if I would.
I think if you stack all the odds up you can in your favor (gear, proper motorcycle, proper training etc…) then riding can be a relatively safe activity. It won’t ever be as safe as a car, but it might be safer than walking in central park at night.
Well this has been a very long and rambling post, I hope it helped!